Road to Germany: Letting Go

I apologize for the lack of updates. June was a month full of challenges and uncertainties. It was accompanied with stress and anxiety. This anxiety has been a bit of a hindrance. My fundraising efforts have unfortunately ground to a halt.

This comes from a very unlikely source. That source is my now former fundraising coach. While she was helpful in refining my message, the method she and the consulting firm wish me to employ have deeply troubled me. I know I have struggled with the Lord’s provision in the past. This is something I have to work on. With that being said, the rather aggressive tactics they wish me to use is far from helpful. I am told that I need to trust in the Lord’s provision, and then a few minutes later made to feel as if the Lord will not provide unless I take the steps they want me to take.

I have hit on this subject before. Send letter, call them 24-48 hours later, keep doing it until I get an answer, repeat. Like I said, aggressive. It’s sales. It doesn’t matter what kind of spiritual language is used, it is still sales. When I have weekly quotas, scripts, and guides to follow for every situation, it is sales. She gets on me for not doing this, and then I am told I am not trusting in the Lord’s provision. I am not going to trust in His provision if I feel like someone is telling me that I won’t get funded unless I am aggressive. It is had to trust God when I feel like the burden is completely on my shoulders.

I was driving to my new job this past week, thinking about a podcast I had listened to just a few days before. The name of the podcast was The Hidden Brain. It was talking about the increased levels of narcissism we see in young people thanks to both traditional media and social media. We are told from an early age that we are special and that we just need to believe in ourselves. According to the podcast, this is an issue. When reality clashes with our expectations, the results are often bad. We fall short of our own faith in ourselves.This made me think. I made me think of

This made me think. I made me think of my own struggles with depression. My own low self-esteem, self-worth, etc. I realized that if I wanted to truly lean on the Lord and trust Him to provide, then I needed to stop believing in myself. Instead, I need to believe in what God and do through me. It is not up to me to convince people to support my mission. Instead, I feel first and foremost I need to establish relationships with people. I need to bring to their attention the need for the Gospel in Europe. It is up to the Holy Spirit to move the people. It isn’t up to me. No sales method is going to bring in the funding I need. Only God can.

22 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[c] 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,[d] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. 30 For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his[e]kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

32 “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Luke 12:22-34