Today I was sick. The kind where keeping something down isn’t always an option. My brain always feels a bit addled when I get this way. Random thoughts or phrases are always stuck on repeat, like someone put a 5 second video clip on continuos repeat. Quite obnoxious actually.
More on that in a second. I missed a job fair because of that. It was one listed in a job listing on Monster. An IT job. Thing is, I am not sure I wanted to go. After all, from what I read, very little comes from job fairs. Doesn’t matter in the end. I couldn’t attend due to being sick. However, I got a call this afternoon about another IT job. I am skyping with them later this week.
And yet, I just can’t get excited. Oh boy, another interview. Let me put things in perspective: Last year around this time, I had several video and media related interviews. None of them panned out. Here I am a year later doing the same thing. One thought has been going through my head all evening.
What’s the point?
What IS the point? This isn’t that “what’s the point, nothing really matters” depressed emo stuff.
I guess the real question would be “Does it make a difference?”
Something I think I have come to realize today is that I have made an idol out of having a career. That was the main thing I wanted from God was a career. Ever since I got home from my missionary journey over 2 years ago, my main focus has been trying to get a career. To me, a career was the way to get back on my own two feet. I never really realized that I may be missing something more.
I haven’t been focusing on what God wants for my life. It has only just hit my that I may be putting my priorities before His. I have a lot to think about. Things have never quite felt right since I got home from my travels. It feels like part of me was left behind. Its like part of me is missing.
I just don’t know. I know I need a job. A decent job. Being a living breathing person isn’t cheep. And yet, I know there is something more to life than a 9-5. I want to do something good. I want to do something meaningful. I can’t change the world, but maybe I can have an impact on someone else’s.
I don’t know what I am trying to say. Its just something to pray about. I am 28 and more confused than ever.